


your bitterness on my tongue

by Mother_North



Series: Heartache [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Desire, Former Lovers - Freeform, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mental Anguish, Obsession, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Psychology, Sorry Not Sorry, Unhealthy Relationships, reflections, yuzuvier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 11:02:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: Javier watches, he soaks in and absorbs: the flutter of dark pointy eyelashes, the gentle curve of supple lips, the glowing translucency of pale skin…He wants to stand up and walk away, leaving the accursed apparition in front of him behind — once and for all. Instead, he keeps on looking into the enhancing pair of eyes of his former lover…





	your bitterness on my tongue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys! It’s been quite a while since I have posted. This work serves, first of all, as an attempt to break the so-called “writer’s block” which has been rather frustrating for me lately, to tell the truth. Anyway, here it goes — a little, angsty one-shot to lure back some of my fled muses (¬_¬)  
> Usual RPF disclaimer applies to this work of fiction in full and it is not meant to offend anyone.  
> P.S. I haven’t forgotten about the “Obscure” series and I am planning to continue that AU, eventually.

**

_Abyssus abyssum invocat_

The moment Javier stepped into a semi-dark, crowded hall of a café, he started regretting his decision to come at all, in the first place. Yuzuru’s welcoming smile looked almost like a death-warrant to him. He could never say _no_ to the young man’s bewitching allure, susceptible to the smallest beckoning gesture of his tapered fingers, to the faintest of signs that he was being wanted.     

Javier watches, he soaks in and absorbs: the flutter of dark pointy eyelashes, the gentle curve of supple lips, the glowing translucency of pale skin…He wants to stand up and walk away, leaving the accursed apparition in front of him behind — once and for all. Instead, he keeps on looking into the enhancing pair of eyes of his former lover.

_Drowning._

There was a time when he could _just_ reach out and take Yuzuru’s narrow palm into his broader one, letting the younger man feel his soothing warmth, letting him feel being loved. Although _this very_ _just_ seems so far gone by now — lost in time beyond the point of no return.  

Yuzuru is beaming at him, head slightly tilted — seemingly at peace, not an ounce of regret or wistful longing finding its way to the surface of his porcelain countenance. Javier is searching anyway, his dark-honeyed, liquid eyes scanning dear features greedily, without trying to feign an aloof indifference. Javier knows that, perhaps, he is laying his soul bare, wearing his inborn vulnerability on his sleeve for Yuzuru to sink his little sharp teeth into, but he has always been the one far worser at pretending than the man he used to care about so much. They both are perfectly aware of the fact and he wonders vaguely whether Yuzuru’s manipulative side would take advantage of this momentarily frankness on his part.

A lukewarm coffee fills his mouth with acrid bitterness. He has let it get cool, while feeling like a blasted fool, not being able to tear his gaze away from Yuzuru. Javier catches his knowing smile — a barely perceptible haughty smirk, impeccable lips twisting in a conscious satisfaction of their owner’s power.

Lack of control has always been one of _his_ major faults — not Yuzuru’s. He did pay a price for it, though, albeit a bit too high to his liking (if only someone cared enough to ask his opinion on a dynamics of a couple engaged in an apparently unhealthy relationship); he used to succumb, he used to lie down and simply _take_ , he used _to_ _give_ it all, while shamefully enjoying being subjugated, submitting to those surprisingly domineering hands and a pair of avid lips, which were so good at sucking any remnants of sanity and willpower out of him.

_Incubus._

Javier despised himself for still craving his now ex-lover so badly. The thought of not having Yuzuru anymore  pained him physically, hot Spanish blood running slower in his veins, coagulating from the ruthless realization of being the one, who has been dumped so cruelly. If only Javier could close his eyes and erase _him_ from his memory entirely: the way _his_ sweaty skin felt and tasted on his probing tongue, the way _his_ fingers used to dig into his shoulder blades — short nails leaving ugly, red marks in their wake, in a paroxysm of _his_ demanding passion.

Javier loved Yuzuru in those unguarded moments — open and raw, burning down to ashes each time their bodies were entwined, becoming one.

He used to be only his and for him alone.

_Not anymore._

Javier is biting his bottom lip, strong fingers fidgeting with a paper napkin at the table, crumpling its thin texture in an unconscious demonstration of his inner turmoil. The notion that he is ready to kill for a mere opportunity to be inside of Yuzuru _again_ frightens Javier with all of its perverse clarity.

Javier is watching silently as Yuzuru’s beautiful lips are moving, spilling shallow formalities which are making his insides quiver. The boy’s melodious laughter is getting under his skin, poisoning him from within with its fake innocence, yet Javier somehow finds it in him to smile at Yuzuru in return.

If only he could grab his slender wrist and bring it to his eager mouth— a brutish bite to disrupt the unharmed delicacy of his tender skin, Yuzuru’s shocked outcry ringing in the air between them _oh so sweetly_. Javier suppresses the primal urge and lets his gaze shift to the younger man’s exposed neck instead, his inflamed imagination instantly providing him with a kaleidoscopic string of a nearly photographic images: Yuzuru’s obscenely red lips forming a perfect _“o”_ in an unbridled ecstasy as Javier’s hands are closing around his neck tightly, _squeezing_ and _squeezing_ and _squeezing,_ until there is no more air left in his combusting lungs; Javier’s own erratic breathing loud and wheezy, halting only when Yuzuru begins constricting around him in a divine moment of their shared unity — several agonizingly pleasurable minutes, which used to mean _whole_ _life_ to Javier, his entire being buried deeply inside his lover’s shuddering body.

The delight was growing exponentially with each thrust of his trembling hips: its onslaught against his senses scarily powerful and all-engulfing — molten lava that would leave him crystalized, after having cooled down, heart beating violently in his eardrums, the scent of their feverish lovemaking acutely vivid in his nostrils.

_Musky and intoxicating._

Javier casted his eyes downwards, staring at a practically empty cup of coffee in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Yuzuru’s piercing gaze, feeling its scorching intensity even without looking into his abysmal dark orbs. All of a sudden, it all felt _wrong_ : his poignant longing and severe want for someone who had scratched him out of his life, leaving an invisible collar of self-deprecation in his stead.

_Too bad he loved him still, this blinding creature with a heart of gilded steel and the purest of angelic smiles._

“Javi, are you listening to me..?”

Yuzuru’s capricious voice yanked Javier out of his obsessive reflections and he blinked a couple of times, as if resurfacing from the deep.

“Yeah… Sure.”

“Then, tell me, what your answer to my… _proposition_ is?” A tiny intake of breath and an awkward pause before the word “proposition” didn’t escape Javier and he felt his heartbeat accelerating in an instant.

An uncalled-for invitation, a covenant, a much anticipated declaration of a capitulation he has to sign singlehandedly over some scattered pieces of his irreparably broken heart: exchanging his freedom willingly for a phantom happiness of being _seemingly_ unselfishly loved for who he truly _is_ — a sensitive and a loyal person, depending on affection too much, instead of on a calculating reason of a compulsive perfectionist.    

_Not again, my dear boy._

Some things are better be kept at bay, hidden somewhere far, in the most guarded area of a once whole and now severely broken human being.  

Javier looked straight into Yuzuru’s questioning face, his unwavering stare tinting his ex-lover’s usually pale complexion with unexpected hue of exquisite pink.

_I love you. I love you._

“There is no turning back, Yuzu… Goodbye.”

Having made one last, an infinitely bitter gulp of his absolutely cold coffee, Javier rose to leave.

**

**Author's Note:**

> Your feedback is appreciated. Thank you.


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